This has to be the loftiest of topics I’ve tried to tackle. It’s been weeks of reading, pondering, praying and experiencing and I’ve realized that the topic of insecurity has many angles – one too lofty for just one blog post. I felt the need to analyze my own insecurities because, quite frankly, I don’t like feeling insecure. Insecurity feels like isolation and judgement. It holds me prisoner to enjoying life, to believing I have purpose and prevents me from truly feeling comfortable being ‘me’ in social settings.
Being an introvert who also appreciates the company of others, I often find that most people around me seem to be very secure. They confidently spout whatever comes to their minds, and people listen to them. Insecurity seems to reveal itself in one of two ways: withdrawal or overcompensation. When one feels insecure he or she either withdraws from a social situation completely, or will go out of their way to let everyone know that they are important in some way, shape or form.
I don’t think we begin as insecure people. Rather, external circumstances trigger feelings of inadequacy. Reflecting back on my teen years I can pinpoint a fracture that occurred in the way I saw myself. While standing in a circle with a group of friends talking, I piped up to give my opinion but was quickly shut down by an older guy friend. Being the impressionable teen that I was, my friend’s comment not only cut me out of that conversation but developed in me an insecurity. I started believing that as a girl my opinion didn’t matter – a lie that impacted much of my teen years and early adult life. I feel as though most of us have a story where we at one point authentically felt inner security but some circumstance challenged or replaced that inner security with insecurity.
Being human puts us at risk of insecurity. It starts as a comparison exchange that impacts our thoughts, potentially resulting in a long list of life inhibitors: envy, fear, disbelief in what God says about us or has called us to, or an attitude that says, “I can do it on my own” (lack of trust in God and others), to name a few. Whether it’s a social comparison exchange as one person/group actively places themselves in a position higher than you, or a self-perceived comparison exchange has you feeling inadequate, insecurity inhibits you from being your authentic self.
Your “authentic self” is a broad term. I’m in the process of re-discovering my authentic self (and as long as I’m alive I’ll be in that process). I know that I will never truly feel myself unless I’m connected to my Creator. I’m most secure when I feel loved, as I’m sure that’s true for all of us. I’m reminded that God is love. He is love and He loves us. His love reminds me that I am not a mistake or a blip in human history, but I am chosen.
“From all eternity, long before you were born and became a part of history, you existed in God’s heart. Long before your parents admired you or your friends acknowledged your gifts or your teachers, colleagues, and employers encouraged you, you were already ‘chosen.'” – Henri J. M. Nouwen
The disciple Peter seems like the most sure of himself in the bunch. In the middle of a storm at 3:00 am Jesus terrifies His disciples by walking on water towards their boat. After reassuring them that they needn’t be terrified, the over-confident (possibly more trusting) Peter wants to join Jesus by walking on water and he does…until the world around him looks less secure. As he begins to sink, Jesus immediately reaches out and grabs him (Matthew 14:22-33). Outside circumstances make us doubt who we truly are, our potential and our purpose. Even though we doubt and sometimes respond to our insecurities by withdrawing or over-compensating, Jesus immediately reaches His hand out to us and tells us to have faith in what He says to us and about us.
Instead of allowing external exchanges and inner lies crush your authentic self, grab ahold of your Creator’s hand and allow Him to remind you of your worth.
Being human puts us at the risk of insecurity. Insecurity taunts you with what you don’t have, tempts you to over-power and over-spend, isolates you, crushes your spirit, and it’s the root of evil and destruction in the world. But insecurity also keeps you aware that “it’s not all about you!” There will always be someone more popular, more educated, more successful than you. Being human puts us in a place to find security in the hands of our Creator who truly loves us and doesn’t want us to live in an insecure world of comparing.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again.” Jeremiah 31:3