listening to the voice within
In a world where everything is fairly routine, out-of-the-ordinary experiences are the sparks that brighten your life and keep you going. These occurrences are unplanned yet delightful surprises. I happened upon one of these ‘sparks’ in recent weeks.
When we arrived home, I messaged a friend, “We are home from vacation! It was a success!”
It was a planned vacation that had its own plan.
And as I ruminate, the more I understand that this is alright for a season but I was born in an open ocean, and with it comes challenges, hurt, tragedy, joy, friendships, love, passion and beauty.
Those who actively prioritize their well-being are aware of their internal pulses and do a great job coping - even when highly stressed.
Winston’s need for more than just a cozy Saturday night in perfectly resembles my current experience. I have felt this push and pull (‘Safety’ & ‘Openness’ as I labelled them in my last blog post) - a desire to be outgoing and social, mixed with a need to lay low and stick to a calming routine.
So what would it look like for me to break my routine and be as playful and carefree as a child? My curiosity seemed to be sparked at the perfect time…
My beloved spring has felt like Mom ripping back my blankets and telling me I’m going to be late for school. I’m uncomfortable with this change and prefer to be bundled in safety.
I left social contexts with rigid divides - ones where separating lines were drawn in permeant black marker with a clear “in and out” divide/mindset. When I participated in these social contexts, I was both insecure and confident.
Although I have many unanswered questions, I understand that I carry with me remnants of a past need for survival.