
<p class="wp-block-paragraph" style="line-height:1.5">In an attempt to make sense of the past, I find I am interrupting the process by having very narrow assumptions. I’ve wanted a quick resolve to my troubles, much like removing a cast from a broken arm after a few short weeks of healing. Sadly, this has not been the case. It’s been a full three years of ups and downs and I still feel like I’m only scratching the surface.</p>



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<p class="wp-block-paragraph" style="line-height:1.5">I have approached healing much like a minor physical injury: follow the necessary steps and in a few weeks you’ll be back to normal. I found myself trying to do all the &#8216;right things’ &#8211; journaling, reading, meditating, praying and even therapy &#8211; with the attitude, “Let’s get this over with! Rip the bandaid off and let’s move on!” Doing all the &#8216;right things’ also included drawing quick conclusions. If a past experience was negative, it must have contributed to my current anxiety. By doing this, I didn’t leave any room for surprise. I was acting as a negligent scientist by only paying attention to information that proved her hypothesis to be true. </p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph" style="line-height:1.5">It&#8217;s been a few weeks now since coming to the conclusion that health is an ongoing effort and not a quick fix. My perspective has shifted from having a strict step-by-step plan to simply making the goal &#8216;healing.&#8217; Only yesterday in therapy did I understand for the first time that the pathway is not always what you think it might be. After my session I said to my therapist, &#8220;Well, I never guessed that was where we were going today.&#8221; She replied, &#8220;It is no surprise. This is quite common.&#8221; I felt at peace knowing that as I became attuned to my internal pulse, my body knew exactly what it was holding onto and, with the help of a trained and compassionate therapist, I could gradually repair.</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph" style="line-height:1.5">This epiphany, although humbling, has given me a new outlook on healing. With renewed anticipation, I am letting go of drawing conclusions quickly, and when I question “Is this really helping?” I conclude, “Little-by-little.” The more I let go and trust that each effort taken is moving me closer to health, happiness and wholeness, the more free I feel.</p>



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Open To Surprise
